Thread in 'Discussion' started by Amnesia, 18 Mar 2013.

  1. Amnesia

    Amnesia Piece of Cake

    Some will call this exhibitionism, I would say it is polite just, I think I will never completely forgive DIGITAL for having disappeared like this without giving explanation…I was especially affected by that, when I remember all the private discussion we had out of TGM..

    So I will explain why there are now, almost no chance to see me come back on TGM..I am telling it now : I planned to try still for 3-4 weeks just before the STUNFEST to play with people and enjoy on the place, but then I will be finishing my time in Hungary and prepare my departure for Africa (Senegal) for the end of summer.

    I know most of you will believe it is a comedy..I screamed for it to many times so it doesn´t work anymore I guess..:)

    TGM never provided me any deep and consistent feeling resulting into real peace and happiness in my life...
    If I try to list what TGM brought for me and other on these 8 years, I see very few superficial things at the end : It made happy just a few minutes around 300 people in the world who could say in watching my videos :

    "aww D:...Amnesia does this move so good..Aww he is fast.."

    That is all, then these 300 people never think about me in the normal time. If they are feeling bad, my videos won't provide them any positive. Just some quick dopamin for the minutes they watch me. Yes neurology, especially the mechanisms of happiness, pleasure and addiction, is a private passion for me…So I can determine if TGM brought me consistent happiness (serotonin) of just short spike of superficial pleasure (dopamin) during these 8 years.
    For me it the same, I feel some short pleasure of satisfaction when I made a record, then I feel proud in watching my videos, I see my improvements...And, that is all

    But this game kept me busy in average 1,5 hours per day. and prevented me to have a real social life during this time.

    When my life collapsed in the beginning of January for the combinaison of 3 events :

    (a girl who rejected me (trigger event) + deep loneliness feeling + feeling to have played a wrong life)

    TGM did not help me. No one from the community could, because of the distance, and the fact that we were socially too distant, the only thing which saved me was a close physical presence of a little number of key persons. And only that. After I felt better, I decided to dramatically open myself, stop radicaly drugs to repair quickly and properly, and I was not the same anymore.
    A funny thing I just did 2 days ago, this famous autist test of 50 questions which circulates on the net, I did it 3 times on 2 years, the 2 first long time ago was 32 then 37 (over 30 is autist), and 2 days ago I attempted the most honestly possible again and got 16.

    The desire to play again did not come back, I tried 2 times, but no pleasure...It was like going backward..A weird and unpleasant feeling. Maybe a feeling that c_t experienced… Today I feel happy to see myself getting back this free additional time and neurones to develop in my new passion, the human (sociology, anthropology, psychology...), I am a social person, and I thought for 10 years I was a pure solitary who could just stay alone in his flat using drug and playing Tetris.

    I sweared to myself that never again a girl would put me that down with such an incredible pain in my body..I decided that I would invest the same crazy motivation that I had into Tetris, but to understand the human psychology...I will never reject in my heart this experience, attempting to become the best dude of Tetris in assaulting the craziest players of the world, doing these meeting, developing my English and visiting places, will stay a part of my life I will consider precious forever.

    Who knows, maybe I will come back, but I think you understood that it is not for soon..
    Last edited: 8 Apr 2013
  2. TL;DR: Amnesia is (has already) quitting the Tetris scene to become a better person (?).
  3. Uli


    I appreciate you not going down the 'no drugs + a bit of Tetris' way. So farewell and thank you for your help.

    P.S. Delete your youtube videos ... feels good.
  4. I've been looking at your videos, I was honestly impressed, but I understand your position. I have undergone pretty much the same thing. I'm not playing much these days, I'm still planning on going on but I hope I'll find the peace you were talking about.

    I wish you the best of luck, in hope that things will be successful for you.
  5. Moi je vote et je dis il bluffe.
  6. :'(

    Even though I communicate a lot with you outside TC, I only figure it would be appropriate to say my farewell from here. I have seen you take a heavy hit when the new year rolled around, and I truly admire how well you have rebound from it, especially when you quit smoking. I've seen your enthusiasm for Tetris decline - but this is something a little different.

    I wish you the best of luck, and do keep in touch!

    Au revoir et adieu, old friend. ^^
  7. Eh, do what I do Amnesia: stay active socially, come to meets and stuff, but don't take it so seriously.

    I've not really played Tetris as anything other than a passing interest for probably 2-3 years now. Over the last two years or so, Carnivals of Death (incoming, btw) and Tetris meets are the only times I've played for more than an hour in one go. And I don't think I'll ever go back to playing it like I used to - I have other things that take up my time these days.

    There will never be serious money in Tetris, and will probably never be respect or accolades in any meaningful or widespread way (regular people won't appreciate the difference between being good enough for TGM1 Gm and Death/TAP Gm). If you're not playing it for your own self then it's a stupid thing to pour time into. Time spent enjoying yourself is not time wasted, but if you're not enjoying it then really yeah, you're stupid to keep it up.

    TGM has brought me achievements that I was proud of at the time, and to a large extent still am. It brought me enjoyment while I was playing (most of the time). And it brought me into this community and knowing a lot of good people I'd never have met in my life otherwise. I wouldn't consider any of those things "superficial", and you shouldn't either.

    At the end of the day, if you'd not spent those hours playing Tetris it's doubtful you'd have really done anything better with them. It's easy to look back in hindsight and say you could have, but I think you're generally fooling yourself to think that way.
  8. So I thought, then I read it again and it seems he's trying to be a pick-up artist instead
  9. Vincent, I will always remember fondly your time in the community. Meeting with you, and playing doubles together, are some of my best memories. The passion with which you approached the game will continue to serve as an inspiration as I try to regain my rusty skill.

    I will say that, as an outsider, it sounds strange to me to describe life in the style of a "neurotransmitter accountant", and stranger still to replace one passion with a seemingly more vapid one (pick-up artistry) where you will be unlikely to form lasting interpersonal connections. The real source of your problems is a lack of close people in your life, and a change of hobbies will not directly address that.

    But if I think of your personality, I am forced to admit that you in particular may be happier going down your chosen path. You're making decisions that make sense for you. I wish you good luck, and you will always be welcome back here. Even if it is just a token presence, once a year, for the carnival of death. :D

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